OHSU announced today that Sphen Noggels (below left) was hired as the new dean of interior design for the financially troubled institution. President Robertson reported that in an effort to capture a greater market share the university needed to have a more coordinated design aesthetic. Future dean Noggels indicated that an Early American Tenement motif would dominate the redesign. “Since much of the hospital already embraces this aesthetic we thought that this was a financially brilliant strategy.”
Sphen Noggels new OHSU dean for Interior Design
A recent 6 week construction project was carefully orchestrated to make sure that the hospital entrance looked exactly the same as before the construction. Great pains were taken to ensure that the new design aesthetic was maintained. “We took photos of the rust and decay before we started to make sure that there was no significant impact on the overall “feel” of the entrance.” If the rusty railings, cracked steps, and peeling anti-skid tape were altered we were afraid our usual customers would feel alienated.”
President Robertson added, “since much of our customer base is struggling right now we thought that creating an atmosphere that felt more ‘homey’ and trailer park like would attract more homeless and under employed people to our institution.”
Former department of surgery chairman Don Trunkey was named as the faculty ambassador for the design effort. “I’ve been a fan of Early American Tenement design for years and have incorporated many of the design principles into my own office. I can bring a unique real world, down home, no-nonsense approach that our faculty can implement in their own work areas. Heck, it works for me, it can work for you.”
OHSU also announced that housekeeping services would implement a work from home program in an effort to cut costs and foster the new design motif. The head of housekeeping services indicated that his employees could not focus on their work in an environment with bad smells, and scary blood. “These are not good working condition for anyone” said president Robertson. “Our workers want an environment were they can avoid commuting, wear whatever they want, and can work at their own pace. With the housekeeping telecommuting initiative the university claims that, while trash collection my suffer, overall cleanliness will substantially improve.
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